If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Randomize
