She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
