this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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