Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
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