either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
