She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
