are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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