why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
