Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
