Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
