I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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