turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
