The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
