I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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