Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Randomize
