why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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