Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
