i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
