So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
