Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
