the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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