All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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