I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
