Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
