I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Randomize
