She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
