Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
