ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
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