pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
