Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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