their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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