Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
you traded sex for a burrito?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
