U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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