I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
