I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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