I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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