When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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