How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
