I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
