Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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