i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
