There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
