Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
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