Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
