I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
