So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
