i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
