Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
