I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
