Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
