There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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