well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
whose parrot is this?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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